Wounded Soldier

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. -Ephesians 6:12

I continue to lose sight of this truth in the word of God. I am reminded of this scripture as I go to the throne, cry out to my Lord as a wounded soldier on the frontlines who has lost its armor and reaching out toward the closest thing it can reach. Forgetting that it is not in rest mode, but in an intense battle against the enemy that seeks to steal, kill, and destroy. I forgot that I was not just in a battle, but a full blown war...who my real enemy is...knocked off my feet and blaming my commander for my fall. Stripped of my fake armor, and asking the Lord to provide me with His weapons and His protection...

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,

and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.

In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.

Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

-Ephesians 6:14-17

Letting go of my family has left me feeling naked, unarmed, and questioning where my true identity lies. There were years of abuse, physically and mentally along with manipulation and guilt. A toxic environment, proof of what happens with the lack of God within a home..destruction and wounds that never heal and only continue on to infection. I chose to jump off the merry -go-round and this has been very difficult. Wishing I had what I can never get back. Asking the Lord to restore all that was lost within me.

Forgiveness...such a complex, difficult, but liberating commandment. They are not my enemy, but broken people who need Jesus, just as much as everyone else. It's hard to see this with your family and sometimes you tend to have different expectations for people that are supposed to love and protect you. I forgot that they are not my identity. That they do not determine my steps, but it is my true commander, my Lord and Savior who guides my path.

So many small battles within this much larger war. I miss my two brothers and wish things were different. I am sad for my dad and his continuous bondage that only leads him further and further into destruction. I hope for my mom, that she will gain strength through the Lord and allow Him to guide her instead of through her own understanding. We are five...now divided.

From now on there will be five in one family divided against each other, three against two and two against three. They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.”

-Luke 12:52-54

Lord, allow me to get up from this battlefield, and conquer victoriously what the enemy meant for evil. Allow me to be a light to my family, even if I cannot be with them right now. Give me the strength father to look beyond myself, my pain, my needs, and let you do your work within me. Building my strength, my endurance, my love, compassion, and identity in nothing else but you.

Love,

Marleny