A little bit wiser..maybe ?

My life has changed quite a bit these last few months. I feel that God has slowly been teaching me, disciplining me, and molding me with events and people he's brought into my life. The more I learn, the more it is that I realize how short I fall of his glory and the more humble I become. I cannot do things on my own, I need to rely on Him constantly and its okay to do that.... against what used to be my nature, it is what feels normal now.

Lately, I've felt this incredible urge to express my creativity in some way. I realized that as a child I was extremely imaginative and creative and as the years have passed I have slowly let that go. One of the reasons why I got into Advertising was just for that reason. I remember being in college and not having a clue of what I wanted to do - until I discovered advertising. Perfect. I dove in. I liked the creative aspect, the study of human behavior, and how one idea or message could impact society. I liked presenting my ideas as well. Being in front of a large group and for that moment, having their full attention. To draw them into my story and ignite the passion within them.

I've never been one to color within the lines.(Is that the expression?) Never been very good at routine, schedules, mundane tasks. I easily become bored. I need to constantly challenge myself in some way. However, I am also an extremist. An all or nothing type of person. Either I'm ALL in or completely out. Rarely an in-betweener. I either work out and end up doing a triathlon or I don't work out at all for months and just relax. Not a 3x a week type of person. I suppose all of these characteristics go against what would ideally make a person successful. Discipline, order, balance, consistency, organization - these are all things that I consciously have to work on. I'm spontaneous, impractical, scattered brained, and run on impulse and gut feeling.

However, I think there is one thing I have that I guess balances all of these out and that is Focus.Once I decide what it is that I want, I dive in. Head first. Sometimes good, sometimes not so good.

Somehow, I think we are all structured differently for a reason, and we must therefore build upon these strengths and find our niche using these. I will probably never fully be Corporate America. Can I do it? Yes. But it's not what drives me.

So, what does drive me? Creativity drives me. Passion drive me. Beautiful things, but most important, beautiful people. Relationships drive me.

I want to teach, to motivate, to help others reach their potential. To give hope, to inspire, to serve and give my heart. How beautiful it is to touch another human being in such a way that they will never forget you or how you made them feel.

My priorities have changed. I used to be driven by different things, until I realized that I had accomplished all on my "to-do" list so far and yet was still not fulfilled. After all that work...those things were not what made me happy. That was a tough realization.

Oh my gosh, I am so happy that God has been so patient with me. I'm sure He gets frustrated with me as I'm not a quick learner. I stumble over the same rock over and over, even when I know it's exact location. I had a friend tell me once "you are the dumbest, smart person I know" I loved that. It was true and it was honest, and it was funny. Hopefully, I'm a little bit wiser now.